You Shall Not Steal

photo by hoodiefanatic

My youngest son had just been moved from his crib to his “big boy bed”, which meant he was at the age where not only the earth revolved around him, the entire universe was expected to be at his beck and call.

It had been an especially trying day. I had tried my best to display patience and love with my discipline, but my nerves were wearing thin. As his bedtime approached I looked forward to putting him down for the night. I was frazzled and worn out and wanted nothing more than peace and quiet without it being punctuated with his tantrums.

I wanted to get some of the joy back to my day before the hours ran out.

“Steal” is one of those words that has a lot of different meanings: steal a glance, steal away, steal second base. It all means basically the same thing - to take something that’s probably not rightfully yours to take.

The eighth commandment obviously means “to take something that belongs to somebody else, illegally or without the owner's permission”, as my computer dictionary states it. When teaching our children about this commandment, though, we need to present all the many facets of ‘taking something that belongs to somebody else’.

Their time.
Their work (i.e. plagiarism).
Their recognition for something well done.
Their resources.
Their joy.

There’s more to stealing than lifting five dollars from mom’s purse or pocketing a candy bar from the local store. Some of the things that can be stolen will have crossover into other commandments. Stealing someone’s recognition, for instance, has to do with coveting as well.

“You shall not steal”, with all its many facets, can be taught proactively during family devotions. It will also be one of those things that, as you provide character training to your child, will undoubtedly come up as ‘teachable moments’.

Fortunately for me, as I prepared to lay my son down to sleep in hopes of recapturing what was left of my frayed sanity, the Lord spoke through my son. After saying his prayers I pulled the covers up to his chin. He pulled his little hand out from under the blanket and began lovingly stroking my face. Before he drifted off, his body weary from the battles he’d fought that day, he looked into my eyes and sleepily said, “You’re beautiful, mama.”

Joy restored.

I'd appreciate you Digging, Stumbling or otherwise sharing this article with others. Help spread the teachings at TGMT.

Related Articles:

God's Gift To My Son-His Goofy Sense Of Humor

When Our Children Need A Push

Instruction In Righteousness-Resource For Character Training

Instruction In Righteousness - Resource For Character Training

One day when I had all four children still living at home I decided I needed to run some errands. These were the quick in - quick out variety, and I didn’t feel like dragging the kids along. Errands go by so much more quickly when I’m not having to spend time in persuasive argument about the benefits of stepping lively.

I gave instruction to the oldest, who was sixteen at the time, and told him I would be back in an hour, hour and a half tops. How much could go wrong in that short a time?

Only WWIII. The best I could make out was mom-says-you-have-to-do-this-I’ll-do-it-in-a-minute-no-now-I-said-I’ll-do-it-in-a-minute-no-I-said-now-pillow thrown-shoe lobbed-youngest-brother-sides-with-oldest-brother-punch-thrown-push-here-push-there…. I think you get the picture.

After giving them all THE TALK and slinging the groceries into the cupboard, I decided it was time to refocus our devotions on some character training. I went to our bookshelf and pulled out my (well-worn) copy of For Instruction In Righteousness. They were going to learn selflessness, kindness and sensitivity if it killed me.

Next to the Bible and a good concordance, I would put For Instruction In Righteousness as one of the top resources a parent can use for family devotion and discipleship. It is a topical Bible for parents that includes hundreds of verses for over 50 areas of sin. Some of those areas include:

Pride*self-righteousness*shifting blame/making excuses*complaining/ingratitude*judging others*rules for borrowers*sinful thought life*hitting/biting/kicking*unkind speech*teasing/troublemaking, and many more.

The book describes what the Bible says about what will or should happen to those who indulge in this sin, how God blesses those who resist it, examples of those in the Bible who were obedient or disobedient in this area, plus ideas for discipline, reward and object lessons to bring the point home.

Until I lost the book in the great basement flood of ‘04, I used it regularly, both as a preemptive resource and as a reaction to situations as they came up (as when WWIII broke out). It was a much appreciated tool for helping me hone in on certain areas of character training, especially if I was still simmering beneath the surface and not able to think of where in the Bible it says such and such.

This is a resource you can use for all ages, and if you’re lucky enough to maintain it in decent shape, one you can pass down to your children. HIGHLY recommended.

If you’re going to purchase the book, why not go through my Amazon link and give me credit. I’d appreciate the support!

The Family That Plays Together, Stays Together

photo by KitAy

Every opportunity you create for you and your child to be together is an opportunity to talk, share and grow in character. And although every opportunity won’t extend into a discussion of the gospel, odds are, at some point, the topic will come up (if you take advantage of it). At the very least you will have ample opportunity to demonstrate Christian character for your child to model.

But, if you’re like me, you’re sometimes just too brain dead to think up ideas of what to do. Movie night, again. Same old board games, again. Take a walk to the park, again. There has to be some variety we could introduce, here.

Want ideas and inspiration? Go to The Homespun Heart’s page on themed Family Fun Nights. This family has the right idea when it comes to connecting with their children. What I like best is the simplicity of most of the plans. Togetherness does not have to be complicated or elaborate.

If nothing else, the pictures of her cherubic children will put a smile on your face!

Dads, don’t think this is a “mom” thing just because the blog’s author is a woman and she has all these creative ideas. I’m sure you have a trick or two up your sleeve. Pitching a tent or building a lean-to can be just as fun as baking cookies or picking flowers. This kind of togetherness implies activity of all kinds.

Although the activities on The Homespun Heart are geared for young children, I feel inspired. I feel like running to Wal-Mart in preparation for a paddleball night!

What kind of family night activities have you done? Share some of your ideas here.

Why We Do What We Do

photo by Jim Winstead

I have something of a routine every morning after breakfast when we finish our family devotions. I get up to go brush my teeth, saying, “Well, I’m going to go brush my toofies.” I’ve said it often enough that my children will often finish my sentence for me when I say it. Which is what my youngest did a few mornings ago.

“Well, I’m going to go brush….”

“…your toofies,” he finished. He paused and then repeated the whole sentence more slowly. “I’m going to go brush your toofies.” He grinned and said, “Remember when you used to brush my teeth?”

I smiled back and nodded. Remembering brushing my toddler’s teeth falls into the category of not appreciating it at the time but wishing I had that precious moment back. I was surprised he remembered it.

“You used to brush my teeth all the time,” my son reminisced. “Then one day you said I had to brush them for myself, and I was, like, ‘What?!’” He gestured in mock surprise. “I have to brush my own teeth?!” He smiled and looked at me. “I couldn’t believe you weren’t going to brush my teeth for me anymore,” he said, as he hefted his now tall, lanky body off of the sofa.

There’s a lot I don’t do for him anymore. I don’t give him his bath, I don’t dress him, I don’t feed him short of putting his meal in front of his place at the table. I don’t tie his shoes anymore, I don’t hold his hand to cross the street, I don’t even do his laundry. All these things he’s learned to do for himself. Which was what was supposed to happen.

He’s also able to read the Bible for himself, and does every morning. He prays before every meal, even if he’s fixed himself his own sandwich and sits down at the table by himself to eat it. His personal ministry is to hold the door open for everybody (which can be a real challenge when we’re trying to leave the mall). He enjoys church, he enjoys his youth group, and often surprises me with the depth of knowledge he has about biblical principles. He says the kids in his small group study call him a “walking Bible”, and I have no doubt that is true.

Which was what was supposed to happen when my husband and I began reading the Bible to him and engaging him in family devotions from the time he was a toddler. We taught him to do these things for himself, knowing that our instruction would produce both fruit and blessing in his life. And it’s produced fruit and blessing in our family’s life as well. That happens when you glorify God through teaching your children about Him.

Which is why we do what we do.

Related Links:

God's Gift To My Son: His Goofy Sense Of Humor

When Our Children Need A Push

Between Those Teachable Moments

How To Integrate Toddlers And Preschoolers Into Family Devotion Time

In one respect, I’m thankful to be out of the toddler/preschooler timeframe in my parenting career. The only meltdowns my children suffer now are when the computer crashes and it takes more than a few days to fix. But I can remember with great clarity the restaurants, church services and other public forums we found ourselves vacating when one of our children decided it was time to let loose.

My two stepsons are 8-10 years older than their younger siblings, and one of the challenges we faced was how to accommodate the gap in ages when doing family devotions. I know other families face this same kind of challenge. We could have done separate devotions, each geared specifically to the younger or older age group, but my husband and I felt this would defeat the purpose of it being called a family devotion.

So how did we integrate the differing ages and avoid the distractions, meltdowns and otherwise short attention spans inherent with our toddler and preschooler? Diligent planning and a fair amount of compromise.

• We avoided those times of day when meltdowns were most likely. I sometimes had to remind my husband of the importance of keeping a regular schedule with the little ones and not to tempt fate by running into naptime with devotions. We eventually ended up centering our family time around meals, when everyone was gathered and less likely to be grumpy.
• Following along with dad’s Bible reading was difficult for our little ones, so they were allowed to cuddle in my lap while he read aloud. They would be admonished to sit
  quietly because, “Daddy is reading from the Bible now.” If one became overly restless, he or she would be allowed to slip down and play quietly on the floor, but oftentimes the child would bring the toy back to the table and play quietly from my lap. As long as they played quietly, they were still part of the family circle.
• If they became rambunctious or contentious, they were gently admonished or removed to their bedroom and instructed that they could join the family again once they settled down. This didn’t happen too often because none of the children wanted to be left out of family doings.
• Family devotions were kept relatively short in order to accommodate the attention spans of the younger ones. After ten or fifteen minutes, the younger ones were excused, while my husband may have continued with the older boys.

In time our youngest ones learned that family devotions were sacred and not a time for acting up or goofing off. There were instances when we held separate instruction for each age group, the younger ones being read to from their Bible, the older ones receiving perhaps diagrams or illustrations of whatever concept was being demonstrated. Sometimes the instruction was a bit over the heads of the youngest ones, but they nevertheless learned to sit quietly during these times. Afterwards, they could do all the running around they wanted, but family devotion time was special.

In the beginning, then, being a part of family devotion time for our toddler and preschooler wasn't so much participating in as much as it was sitting with the family while it took place. Over the course of time, as we engaged them more and more, it became a participatory event for them. It was sufficient for us at the time, though, just to have them there with us, making our family time complete.

How I Taught My Toddlers To Let Me Read To Them

I made a decision that when the children turned one I would begin the process of introducing them to books. Let me emphasize the word process. I understood that making readers of my children wouldn’t be accomplished in weeks or months, but years.

I started with one of those cardboard picture books, sturdy enough for the most rambunctious toddler and with pages thick enough for inexperienced fingers to turn. I would sit down on the floor with the book in front of me and call the child over.

“Look what I have here!” I would exclaim with bubbling enthusiasm. Curious, my child would toddle over, look briefly to see what I was making a fuss over, then wander back to whatever it was she was previously doing. I would turn to the first page, exclaim “Look, a bunny!” and wait for my child to toddle back over to fulfill her curiosity once more. Back and forth we did this, page after page, day after day, never reading a word but simply pointing to an object on each page.

Using the same book I would then progress to pointing out what was happening on the pages. “Oh look, the bunny is smelling a flower.” I still wouldn’t be reading any words, but my pointing out what was happening in the pictures corresponded with the storyline of the book.

In time I would get to reading the words, still calling my child over page by page. Running my finger left to right under the words, I’d say, “Oh look what this says: ‘Bunny likes smelling the flowers in spring.’” Then I would point out the activity in the picture, developing a connection between the words and illustration, thus establishing the purpose for the book.

Young children, especially toddlers and preschoolers, learn by repetition. They like being masters of their little universe, which explains why they can watch the same video twenty times and never get tired of it, while you’re ready to throw the TV out the window if you have to listen to that same stupid song one more time. In their mind, they are mastering the dialogue, the songs and the activities.

Eventually, because I used the same book and kept drawing my child back into the story, she wanted to hear the whole story all at once. Shortly thereafter, she would retrieve the book herself and ask me to read it to her. Once I reached that success, it was time to introduce another book. Because she was so enamored with the first one, though, I had to do some bargaining with her.

Let’s look at the pictures in this one, I’d say, and then we can read the bunny book. The transition was a little rocky, but I won out, me being the one who can read and all. Nonetheless I found it quite charming when, in her rebellion, she sat down away from me and “read” the bunny book, showing she didn’t need me setting the rules for what she could and could not read.

This may seem a very good primer on how to introduce your child to reading, but it is also necessary for establishing a foundation for eventually reading the Bible with your child. As I wrote in the previous post, it wasn’t all that long ago when the reason for teaching children to read was so they could read the Bible for themselves. Very few children went on to higher education, but it was considered a God-given duty to read your Bible.

As your child begins to sit for longer and longer periods of time you will be able to move on to other books, books with paper pages and more words or sentences on the page. It is necessary, of course, to make a deliberate decision to read every day to your child. I promise you, there is nothing so luscious as ending your day with your child sitting in your lap and reading a story together. Even if it’s for the ninetieth time.

Getting Toddlers And Preschoolers To Sit Still To Be Read To

Ready for a real challenge? How do you get a squirmy, often temperamental and easily distracted 2-year old tot to sit still long enough to read the Bible to him or otherwise engage in a time of devotion? If there were a magic pill for this the inventor would make millions. Alas, we’re talking about a process here, one requiring diligence, consistency and lots and lots of patience. That’s what being a parent is all about, isn’t it?

Why bother starting so early in a child’s life? Wouldn’t it be easier just to wait when he’s at a reading age, after he’s started school and books become a part of his everyday life out of default? He’ll be able to understand more then, won’t he? Wouldn’t it be easier just to wait?

The short answer is, no. Postponing something always seems easer in the short run, and there’s always a way of rationalizing why it’s better to put something off. However, hundreds of research studies have shown the benefits of reading to a child early, and many, many research studies have shown that children who are not read to from an early age demonstrate a distinct disadvantage in their success in both school and later in life.

Of course, we’re specifically looking at the Bible here. Back before schools became a forum for social reform and neutral value indoctrination (sorry, stepped up on my soap box there for a second), children were taught to read so that they could read the family Bible. Always remember our goal: we want to reach our children for the cause of Christ and disciple them in His truths. We want to teach our children, from the earliest age, that we get to know the Lord by spending time in prayer and reading His Word.

As far as whether our toddler will understand what we’re teaching him, I have three responses: 1) there are resources available that we can use (here’s one) that speak to a child that age; 2) we’re planting seeds that with consistent nurturing will grow into understanding; 3) never underestimate the ability of a young child to “get it”, especially with God at the helm.

So let’s find out how to work with our youngsters, getting them to a point of being able to sit still long enough to be read to, especially from the Bible. Check in tomorrow.

Devotion Resources For Toddlers And Preschoolers

An integral part of holding family devotions is reading from the Bible. Obviously, anything with a lot of words and more than a few pages will present a challenge for most little ones. There is a way to train up a young child for listening to readings from the Bible as part of the family circle, and I certainly encourage that kind of instruction. However, I recognize that few families operate under that level of teaching. Most parents function within the parameter of what-can-I-do-right-now-that’ll-work-so-I-can-get-this-devotional-thing-off-the-ground mindset.

There are several good children’s story Bibles on the market. However, I would suggest looking for one that provides a unified representation of the Bible rather than a disjointed collection of short stories. We’re looking for a way to build Bible reading in toddlers and preschoolers, and not just entertain them with cool stories.

One impressive resource I've found is The Big Picture Story Bible by David Helm. This is not a light book; there’s over 400 pages in it. But the book provides a very good overview of the Bible from Old Testament to New, telling the story of God and His Son Jesus in language designed for little ones to understand. There are only a few sentences per page and the illustrations will give you plenty to talk about as you engage your child in the text and its meaning.

Broken into 26 chapters based on a chronological telling of the Bible, you could easily read a chapter a day (the extensive illustrations cover a lot of pages) to your toddler or preschooler. You can approach this in one of two ways, which might be dictated by your child’s response. You can work your way through in about a month, going chapter by chapter, or you can take one chapter and go back to it repeatedly until your child seems satisfied with what he’s learned and is ready to move on.

I know with my own children, they loved mastering one story at a time. This, of course, resulted in reading the same thing over and over (and over and over and…). This actually could go on for weeks, but what I recognized was their inherent need to totally and completely internalize the story. Over this course of time I would move along a continuum of teaching - first explaining what we just read, then asking questions to prompt their memory, and finally requiring them to summarize in their own words. By the time they tired of hearing the same story and were ready to move on to the next one, they could tell it themselves forwards and backwards.

The Big Picture Story Bible has that kind of usefulness and engaging text. Had it been around when my children were younger, it would have had its pages falling out of it from constant use. Check it out for yourself.