Pushing vs. Grooming

What do you do when a teenager demonstrates leadership skills, but is uncomfortable still in her own skin? Or more than that, isn’t sure she wants the onus of leading placed upon her? It’s a very interesting dichotomy, from a parent’s perspective.

My fifteen year old daughter is a strong Christian. She regularly reads from God’s Word and struggles but strives to live an obedient life. She doesn’t have a dominating personality, but she cannot let unscriptural defenses slide by from other people. She’s mature for her age. She thinks all the drama queen antics of girls her age belong more to the younger set than to young ladies in high school.

As a result, she’s garnered a lot of praise from her small group leaders for being such a beacon of Christ’s light to the other girls in her group. They love it when she speaks up and engages her peers in biblical point-counterpoint. She also frequently finds herself on the other end of an adult leader’s pointing finger, when they’re looking for an answer or a volunteer and no one else steps up.

She really enjoys the respect of the adults around her. She really dislikes being singled out, sometimes. So goes the back and forth competing emotions of a girl under the Holy Spirit’s construction. It’s interesting to watch her grow, while at the same time I question how in the world I’m to help guide her.

As inadequate as she feels sometimes to lead, I feel just as inadequate in helping her utilize one of her developing gifts of the Spirit. There’s a fine line between pushing and grooming. Step over the line and she may dig her heels in and camp where she is for awhile.

I find myself doing a lot of listening and offering advice, but should I be doing more to train her? What are your thoughts?

How would you handle this situation? How do you help your child grow in her gifts while tiptoeing through the landmine of adolescent emotions? I’d like to hear what you think.