Relinquishing Control

The first few months of being a mother to my two stepsons would not have garnered me a Mother Of The Year award. I am a very introverted person who enjoys quiet pursuits and things to fit within a predictable routine. Life with children is seldom quiet, let alone predictable. On top of this there were some disciplinary issues, especially in the area of transitioning into my role as a mother and the boys respecting that.

During this time my husband was working very odd hours and as I was making this transition I often found myself home alone with the boys. Admittedly, on more than a few occasions, I found myself getting a little over exuberant with the discipline. Nothing that left scars, physically or otherwise, but there were times when I was so angry you could have peeled the skin right off my bones and I never would have felt it.

One night in the kitchen I literally fell to my knees in utter exhaustion and desperation and cried out to the Lord for His intervening grace. I wasn’t getting the job done as a new mother, and I knew I was bringing disgrace to my Christian witness in front of the children. “Lord,” I cried out, “show me how to be the mother you want me to be.”

Relinquishing control to the Lord was the start of my building process. It didn’t take long before I began learning from the council of godly women, reading some Christian-based parenting books and immersing myself in the Bible even more than I already was. I began slowing down, taking deep breaths and actually began enjoying the process. I learned that seasons of trial were just that, seasons, and as long as I kept my focus on Jesus I could get through anything.

It’s been eighteen years now, and I still find myself needing to relinquish control to the Lord. I’ve come a long way from where I started, but recognizing that it’s not about me but about following Christ in my life has made this parenting thing a really awesome trip.